Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
