VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
