I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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