dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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