Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We left an ass print on the piano.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
