I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
