I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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