if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
