I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
third nipple confirmed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
