the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
