how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize