Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
