I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
