oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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