So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
