I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
