You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
