You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He has the fingertips of a God
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
