There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
