when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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