I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
