..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
