I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
