no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
