The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
