Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
