just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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