i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
