he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
