Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
