There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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