3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
