Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
