Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
