Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
