Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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