You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
