I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize