the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
