I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
