I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
