i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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