why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
