Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
