this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
FUCK WHALES
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
