Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
