Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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