You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
