So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
