i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
