omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
