i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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