I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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