just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
