dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
