similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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