i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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