So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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