Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
