Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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