you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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