i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
