You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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