So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
