Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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