kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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