That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
