the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He passed out mid-signature
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
