I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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