did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
