He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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