i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
