So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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