i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
