Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
