Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
