they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
