You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
