dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
