so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
50% drunk capacity currently
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
