is wine microwaveable?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
